Posted by BWSmith on Monday, 2 February 1998, at 12:21 p.m.
Dear Lily,
From the "for what is worth department":
I have come to appreciate my husband's LACK of sensitivity. Let me explain.
His attitudes to the problems that beset me, whether they were the clashes that set my son and me at odds, the difficulty of being a "good" daighter to my late mom, financial problems, broken relationships in the Body, or my fatigue from sleep deprivation, were so REASONED and DISPASSIONATE. Yes, they drove me nuts and NO(!) I did not always respond with cheerful gratitude.
But over time I came to see that if BOTH of responded alike to the daily provcations, this would not be good.
*Our son did not need two hysterical parents.
*My mother never would have responded to Christ if my "sensitivity" was mirrored in my husband's response to her.
*Somebody had to earn the money no matter how bad it got at home.
*And I really needed someone to tell me to go to bed -- rather than listening to me reherse my problems. (He finally said GO TO THE DOCTOR -- and I needed an exam and some health care. I was prone to live with my "anguish" and adjusted to living with the discomfort of some female problems rather than seek medical help.)
SIMILARLY, my spouse of 25 years has said he values my "sensitive" reactions to situations and persons, because he never would have tried the approaches I suggested. He asks me how to respond to business people and his family. SO we work in a team, FINALLY, after all these years.
I also learned that sleep is essential to a charming, controlled heart and mind -- As we "mature" sleep is not always a constant bedtime companion. Now if I wake up, instead of fretting and watching the clock, I pray -- ASSUMING that God woke me up for fellowship. I have give up reading myself back to sleep, but figure that I can talk to God and let Him put me back to sleep.
To sleep well, I also gotta watch how much I eat, and what I read or think about before bed.
I did not know this for about a five year span and I think I exacerbated routine problems of "aging."
GOSH! that was a scary word wasn't it? Almost as scary as telling my family I was wrong.
BWS