I thought about this post for awhile — and I grieve for you and with you. I didn't smash a chocolate cake in anyone's face — but — when I was in an angry tailspin — I have done plenty that embarrassed me and saddened the Lord Jesus Christ.

I do pray for you and with your permission may I offer some steps I have taken when my aggravation prevailed over my conduct? It has taken me a long time to admit that the things that annoy me are rarely the King's business — yet I have responded as if my exasperation were a VBD (a very big deal) Nothing that I have ever suffered because of another Christian's foolishness has ever been worth my typical tirades. And I am ashamed that I have responded to other's transgressions as if my honor had been trampled, and not the Lord's.

Would you please read Psalm 51? The first Person whom you offended was your Lord and Savior Jesus Christ — even if you were responding to provocation.

God did not set us among perfect people — HE placed us among many needy people — people who are disappointing, demoralizing, and despairing — so that HE might be glorified. We love others through HIS heart and with HIS eyes and ears — not because they are nifty people. We need to ask Christ to give us a willingness to love the people HE entrusted to our care:

"But I say to you who hear, love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. (Luke 6:27-28) . . . "For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax-gatherers do the same? And if you greet your brothers only, what do you do more {than others} Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Therefore you are to be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect. (Matt 5:44-48)

This is supernatural stuff — we can't just whip up love or enthusiasm — or even respect and forgiveness --so talk to God, admitting your were wrong and don't blame your failures on your husband's shortcomings. This may be tempting, but remember you have failed him too in 20 years of marriage — in ways you might not even recognize.

Now — pray for the grace and gentleness to speak to your husband and ask his forgiveness. Whatever he did — you did wrong. Don't give the devil an opportunity to drive a bigger wedge between you two — Don't let the sun set on your anger! You said you are both Christians — take it to HIM now -- for HE is praying for you to reconcile.

*A man's discretion makes him slow to anger, and it is his glory to overlook a transgression. ( Prov 19:11)

* This you know, my beloved brethren. But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak and slow to anger; for the anger of man does not achieve the righteousness of God. (Ja. 1:19-20)

Pray for the heart of Christ whish saw beyond your husband's sins and save his soul — thank HIM that He saw beyond *your* disappointing performance and forgave you. Let go of your grievance list — Christ knows who did what, who said what and who's not pulling his or her weight in your relationship — and God help us, HE will settle the score!

You both are Christ's ambassadors to your children — you are HIS letters of reconciliation to your family — don't undervalue His calling.

May kindness and reconciliation be on your tongue and may HIS holy Spirit go before you.
BWSmith

© Barbara W. Smith 1998, all rights reserved
Permission is given to reprint any of Barbara's articles in non-profit publications as long as the article is reprinted in full and contains the copyright information and Web site address.

Please send a copy of the publication to:
Third Floor Publishing
PO Box 827
Arnold, MD 21012

We hope our thoughts encourage you in the Lord Jesus Christ who has enabled us to do exceedingly abundantly more than we could have asked or imagined -- please let us know what YOU think. E-mail us at workbook@toad.net. (Please don't forget to include your e-mail address with in the body of the message--we've had some of our responses returned due to insufficient e-mail addresses.)